In the Belly of the Whale

Obedience is hard. I won’t lie to you. Obedience is dying to your self and all that you desire to follow the One who commands your obedience. Now, there are times when it is easy...not many, but when our own desires line up with God’s desires, obedience can be easy. Yet, most often when we think of obedience, we think of those times when we are asked to do something that we really don’t want to do. That’s when obedience is hard. Remember Jonah? He ran from being obedient, and when God turned him around, he may have obeyed, but it was with quite an attitude.

I’ve been doing a pretty good imitation of Jonah over the past 7 months. God told me something that I really didn’t want to hear. While I didn’t run in the opposite direction like Jonah, I did verbally rebel in a big way.

It started last August. I awoke in the middle of the night from a deep sleep. I was immediately wide awake, and I knew. I knew that I had a word from God. I knew that this was my last year to homeschool my daughter.

I won’t lie to you. I cried like a baby and prayed that the whole idea would go away. I love homeschooling my daughter and watching her grow. So, in the middle of my pity party, I cried out to God, asking Him what in the world I was supposed to do with my daughter if I didn’t homeschool her.

I shouldn’t have done that. Again, I immediately knew.

She was going to go to a performing arts school. He even gave me the name of the school! I had heard of it, but knew next to nothing about it. So, since I couldn’t board a ship bound for Tarshish, I began to argue with God.

Just so you know, you don’t get very far when you argue with God, but I guess Jonah didn’t get very far when he ran either. I raised the idea that a fine arts school would probably not have the high academic challenge that I felt she needed. I argued that it was a public school, and I was concerned about the challenges my daughter would face to her faith. Just like Jonah, I thought I knew better than God. I thought that He must be mistaken. In His great patience, God told me to check out the school.

I did...that very night...on-line. I found a website with parent reviews of the school. The first raved about how happy they were that the teachers did not leave academics behind to focus only on the fine arts. It went on to praise their AP program. The next one was a negative review, slamming the school for being more like a conservative Christian school than the liberal fine arts school they were seeking. Really...it said that. I’m not kidding.

(Sigh) So, fine, God had worked that out. He had given me my whale, saving me from the raging sea of my petty concerns. You would think that I would give in and just follow what He was telling me to do.

You’d think...but then...did Jonah? Not really. He spent some time in the belly of that whale!

So, I didn’t give in. Next, I asked God for confirmation, telling Him (as if He didn’t already know) that my daughter was not good with change, and I would have to drag her kicking and screaming through this transition. So, if He wanted my daughter to go there, would He please give me some confirmation that this message was truly from Him before I approached her? Perhaps He could turn my daughter’s heart toward this idea, so it wouldn’t be so traumatic for her?

Needless to say, I had not one, but 2 confirmations within a week, and both came from my own daughter’s mouth. The first was her comment to me that she really enjoyed having me as a teacher, but she felt that at some point, she would like to go to a school. My heart dropped. A few days later, she mentioned to me in the car that she loved going into church service with her dad and me because she loved the worship time. However, she then confessed that sometimes she became a little distracted watching all the musicians as they were playing. She continued to say that she felt like God was leading her down a path where she would use her musical talents to one day serve Him like that. At this point, it was all I could do to keep from driving off the road. That whale had just spit me out on dry land, pointing toward that fine arts school.

I had asked for confirmation, and I got it. I was defeated, my own selfish desires were set aside, and God was glorified in that instant. I waved the white flag of surrender, and told my daughter about the school. She was so excited, that she insisted that we look the school up on the internet as soon as we got home to see what the audition process entailed. Within thirty minutes my daughter had planned out that she would audition in music and drama, and was searching for monologues.

(Sigh) So much for her not being good with change...onward toward my own personal Ninevah!

After countless hours of preparation, two auditions, and a month of waiting, my daughter was accepted into the school for performing arts. Of course she was! Hadn’t God told me all this seven months before? God was again glorified! Yet there I was, crying once again because I had been holding out a glimmer of hope that perhaps this was all just a test, and that I was still going to get to homeschool my daughter next year. I was being obedient, but with a rather rotten attitude. I felt like I had been Jonah sitting in the shade of that God-given plant, waiting for my own selfish desires to be fulfilled in spite of God’s glory shining all around me. It was not a pretty picture.

In short, our heavenly Father had different plans than I did; just as He had different plans for Ninevah than Jonah had imagined. Jonah ran away before he went to Ninevah, I verbally rebelled before I allowed Him to work this miracle in my child’s life. However, in the end, I surrendered my desires and my plan in exchange for His. Why? Well, like Jonah, I didn’t have much choice. Yet there were also truths from God’s Word that I had buried in my heart years ago.

In my heart I know that I see only in part what God sees in full (1 Cor 13:12). He alone knows the beginning from the end (Ecc 3:11), and I’m quite certain that His plan for my daughter far exceeds my own plan for her (Jer 29:11; Eph 3:20). He has opened doors for her that I would never have chosen, and despite all my protests, He has given me a peace about it that passes all understanding (Phil 4:6-7). I know that she is in His hands (Is 49:2). I know that He will hide her beneath the shadow of His wings (Ps 91:4) should trouble come as it so often does. I know that He is showering her with His favor and building her up for the destiny that He has planted in her heart (Ecc 3:11). I know that she is His favored daughter (Ps 5:12; 2 Cor 6:18). He knows her better than I do (Jer 1:5). He loves her more than I ever could (Rom 5:8; Eph 3:18-19). So I may cry for my own selfish reasons, but I rejoice at the smile on my daughter’s face and the joy in her heart that is bubbling over.

What an amazing journey this has been...to the belly of the whale and back! God has been faithful and true as He always is. All I had to do was be obedient to what he was calling me to do, and step out in faith, trusting that He would take care of the details. That makes it sound so easy. I guess it would have been if I hadn’t balked at His commands so much before obeying. But, after a rough start, I did just that...I obeyed (however grudgingly), and He did His part, so that my daughter can do hers...walk the road He has paved just for her.

The Heart of God in Me

In reading the book titled The Power of Your Words by Pastor Robert Morris, I am incredibly challenged. However, as I consider this message I’m reminded of the following scripture:

Luke 6:45 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

I am convicted that while my speech definitely needs attention, the driving force behind my tongue is my heart. Instead of trying to bandage the problem, I need to get to the “heart” of the problem (insert smiley face!).

The first scripture that comes to mind is in 1 Samuel and again summarized in Acts. David was a man after God’s own heart. What are the qualities God considered when He made this statement?

When God spoke these words to Samuel, David was not a king, he was a shepherd. While God in His omniscience knew what kind of leader David would make, I wonder if He didn’t also look at the kind of young man David was when speaking to Samuel. He even told Samuel, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7b)

On that day, Jesse and all but one of his sons met with Samuel for a sacrifice. The missing son, is in the pasture tending the sheep. Later it was said of him that he is a brave man, a warrior, speaks well and is a fine-looking man. Now, we know that the last statement made no bearing on God’s decision because of what He said earlier; however, the other descriptions are worth investigating.

Remember the story of David and Goliath? When David approached Saul about fighting, David says, “Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock; I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by the hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of the Philistine.”

They weren’t David’s sheep. They were his father’s. He wouldn’t allow anything to come against them. He fought with the power and authority he knew in the Lord and gave all praise to the One who delivered him.

So what does it mean to have a heart like God’s?

I will care for the Father’s sheep. I will protect the Father’s sheep even at the risk of my own life. I will give God all the glory for His deliverance.

Psalm 100:3 says “It is He who made us, and we are his; we are His people, the sheep of his pasture.” John quotes Jesus as saying, “I am the good shepherd...I lay down my life for the sheep.”

Who is the wild animal that comes to prey on the sheep? “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)

I must be watchful for the enemy and if he comes after one of the sheep, I must go after it, strike him and rescue the sheep. And when he comes after me, I must seize him by the hair, strike him and kill him.

As this all unfolded in front of me, it became very clear. Our Father loves us so much and His heart is towards us. To have a heart like His, I will love His sheep as He does. Now, that kind of overflow will bless Him and others and definitely change the words that come from my mouth!

Beneath the Christmas Wrapping

Hustle, bustle, rush and run
Santa’s on his way!
Buy the gifts, brave the crowds,
For soon it’s Christmas Day!

The tree is up, the lights are on,
Decorations are in place.
Send out the cards, bake the treats,
It’s a frantic Christmas race!

Aunts and uncles, family, friends
Joy is in the air!
But why the celebration?
Why parties everywhere?

The story is quite humble.
No ribbons, bags or bows.
The reason for our Christmas,
Is a child not everybody knows.

He was birthed in a stable
Filled with animals that smelled,
To very young and frightened parents
Who knew exactly the babe they held.

Did they think it would be different
To be the parents of a king?
Adorned with royal garb and dwelling,
To never lack a thing?

What went through their minds that night?
In that stable all alone?
Did they wonder what God was thinking
To have His son born so unknown?

Yet there were some who knew
That a Savior had been born.
Angels gazed with wide-eyed wonder
At His precious, little form.

Then some shepherds and some wise men
Led by those angels and a star
Searched so very fervently
To find this child—how bizarre...

Have we searched and have we wondered
About what’s buried underneath
All those piles of gifts and ribbons,
Those trees and Christmas wreaths?

It’s the hero of our story,
The one of whom we all should sing.
For that humble little baby
Grew into our Savior and our King.

Let's take some time this season
To reflect on things more deep
Than the gifts and decorations
And Santa who comes when we’re asleep.

You’ll find with careful searching
So much joy and love there, too...
In a Prince of Peace, a Savior
Born in a stable, just for you!

Footprints

We all have times in our lives when we are weighed down by our troubles. You know the times...when you begin to feel like Job, then you read Job again and realize that things are not quite that bad...Fall/winter 2003 was such a time for me...but as always, our heavenly Father came through in a big way!

In March of 2003, my 78-year-old father had been diagnosed with lung cancer. He was not a smoker, so we were a bit surprised. He had surgery to remove the affected lobe, and underwent radiation and chemotherapy. He had seemed to be recovering over the summer, but as fall arrived, Daddy began to struggle with congestive heart failure. He started on a series of in and out hospital visits. At the end of October, he and Mom drove to Houston to see his heart specialist at Methodist. After numerous tests/body scans, they discovered a small tumor on his brain. While disappointing, we had great hope for his treatment, and he made plans to visit the Cancer Center near his home as soon as he was released.

Meanwhile, here in the DFW area, my son had been getting sick on and off since September. Once again, he was down with a head and chest cold, but seemed to be on the mend. In fact, he had just seen his doctor on Monday. His doctor had listened to his chest and heard nothing that concerned him. However, on Tuesday, November 3rd, his condition deteriorated throughout the day. I spoke with nurses several times during the day who said that he was probably fine...just keep an eye on him. That evening, he spiked a temperature of 104.2 and he was having difficulty breathing. I remember the rhythm...breathe, cough, cry, breathe, cough, cry. It was crazy...he had been running around playing the day before and that morning, too! I brought him to the urgent care center. They took him straight to the back and did a chest x-ray. They were going to run some more tests, but after looking at the x-ray, they came and told me that they had called the “Teddy Bear Transport” for him. I had no idea what that was, so they explained that was the name for the ambulance that takes kids to Cook Children’s Hospital. I broke...in shock, I guess, and everything became a series of blurs and painfully clear pictures. I made a tearful call to my husband and watched helplessly as EMT arrived and they placed an I.V. in his little 2-year old arm and taped his arm to a piece of wood to keep it immobilized. Everything seemed so surreal. They placed a pulse-ox monitor on his finger and showed me that his oxygen level was eighty-something...apparently normal is more like 99. I heard through the fog that his entire right lung had appeared on the x-ray as a white cloud. My boy had pneumonia, and he had a pretty bad case of it.

More blurs passed as we were loaded into the ambulance. I know they gave my son a choice of two teddy bears to have in the ambulance...hence the name “Teddy Bear Transport”. I remember that he chose a white polar bear that was very soft and he held it on his chest. I remember thinking how strange it was to be riding in an ambulance...so surreal. We were taken into the emergency room...more blurs...at some point my husband arrived after asking a neighbor to stay with our daughter at home. Finally, sometime after midnight, we were admitted to a room. Still more blurs...but one memory stands out. I remember sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, holding my boy and rocking gently back and forth, trying to soothe him. He was still doing the breathe, cough, cry rhythm. The doctor had been in and explained that his lung was filled with fluid. It could be one large pocket of fluid or many small ones. He had scheduled a procedure for the next morning. They were going to insert a needle through his ribs in his back and try to remove the fluid. If the fluid was in one large pocket, this procedure would relieve the pressure and make it easier for him to breathe. If not, they would have to do surgery and insert a tube into his lungs to drain the fluid. As I sat helplessly on the bed, I saw this doctor outside our door at the nurse’s station. He was looking at my son and talking with the nurses saying, look at him, poor thing, every breath is such a struggle for him. I may have cried then, can’t remember...and although I know I must have been praying all this time, this is the first time I remember praying. It was nothing eloquent...just simply, Father, help him, help my baby breathe.

I prayed through the night and into the next morning. At some point during the night, as I lay in the hospital bed next to my sick son, I released him to God. God finally convinced me that my son belonged to Him before he ever belonged to me. He convinced me that He loves him more than I ever could...that’s hard for a mom to realize about her kids. He convinced me to release my son into His arms, so that He could care for him. He convinced me to trust Him as I had never trusted Him before...trusting Him not for my own life, but for my son’s life. It was a long night with very little sleep...but peace flooded through me by morning.

It’s funny how some parts are so clear and some are so blurred. Very clearly, I remember that the needle procedure was scheduled for 11:30. I remember the procedure also. My husband was there with me, comforting our son as I held him and they inserted that needle into his back. They removed 6 oz of fluid...6 oz from his little 2-year old lungs! It was unbelievable, but God came through in a mighty way. Most of the fluid had been in this one pocket, and the relief for my son was almost immediate. His breathing was much better...no more breathe, cough, cry! It seems we had cleared a major hurdle.

Things began to settle into an abnormal routine...because nothing is really normal when you are staying in a hospital with your child. We had chest x-rays and sonograms almost daily, along with other miscellaneous tests. My two sisters alternated bringing me lunch and keeping me up to date on my father, who was going to be released after that weekend. Then, the bottom fell out of my world. Over the weekend, my father coded. Although he had a DNR (do not resuscitate) order, they did. After further body scans, they discovered that his lungs were “riddled” with cancer. It was putting too much pressure on his heart for him to handle. They didn’t expect him to make it more than a couple more days. My sisters left for Houston, and with them went my prayers...see, I had prayed about what I should do. I had even had a friend offer to come up and stay with my son or watch my daughter so that I could go to Houston to see my dad, but I refused. After praying through the night, I knew that my place was right there, next to my son. It was one of the hardest decisions that I ever made, but God saw me through it and gave me great peace about it.

My new support group became my friends who visited in the hospital, bringing gifts for my son and snacks and bible verses for me. My son was not contagious so we “played” in the playroom with friends who came to visit and with his sister. I say “played” because my son was so sick that he couldn’t play. We wheeled him around in a wagon lined with pillows, dragging his I.V., which was distributing the antibiotics and fluid, along with us. He would watch while everyone else played. Also, the hospital staff was aware of what was going on, and they were wonderful and supportive. My husband visited daily, bringing fresh clothes and my daughter to see my son and me. However, my greatest support and encouragement through this time was my heavenly Father. I was constantly reminded of that Footprints poem, and I knew with all certainty that He was carrying me through this. My friends would say that they couldn’t understand how I was still standing under all the stress, and I would tell them...I wasn’t standing at all, I was being carried through it. As difficult as the situation was, my spiritual life was growing by leaps and bounds, and God was answering prayers daily.

At first, Daddy was in ICU and I couldn’t even call him. I received regular updates from my sisters and my mom. My whole family had gathered to say good-bye. My prayer was that I would at least get to talk with my father again. Daddy was a fighter, and he held on much longer than anyone thought. The doctors were amazed. We all believed that he was holding on to make sure my son was okay! A few days turned into a week and Daddy was moved into hospice...where there was a phone! I got to talk with my Dad one day out in the hall. He sounded weak, but very much like himself. He seemed peaceful and ready. We said our goodbyes...I don’t really remember that much of the conversation, except that it was short, and it meant everything to me just to hear his voice one more time. I went straight to my Bible after that, reading the verses that my friend had given me.

My son continued to improve and we knew he would soon be released. Then, around 5:30 am on November 17th, I got the call from one sister that my father had passed away, and my other sister showed up at the hospital to make sure I was okay. My son was released from the hospital that very same day...twelve days after we had been admitted. Daddy had hung on as long as he could to make sure my son was okay. It was truly a gift from God. Now I would be able to at least attend the funeral in Louisiana, which had been one of my many prayers...one of the many prayers my heavenly Father had so graciously granted me during this time.

God carried me through the funeral, and through an emergency room visit in Louisiana with my son the night before the funeral. In fact, he even put my cousin, a respiratory therapist, in the E.R. that night when I brought my son in. God was all around me, giving me the strength that I didn’t have on my own. I had never in my life felt His presence so very close to me than I did during this time. If He had never been real to me before, He was very real to me now. I saw multiple answered prayers on a daily basis. I saw His angels in the people around me who brought me comfort and hope. I felt His strong arms holding me close, bringing me all the comfort and strength I needed. He never departed from me, and He never “dropped” me. He was faithful, as He always is. He continued to carry me for a long time...in fact it was months before I finally began to see my own footprints once again walking next to His...but that’s yet another story of His faithfulness, for another time...

God is in control...and it is good thing!

But He is unique, and who can make Him change? And whatever His soul desires, that he does. For He performs what is appointed for me, and many such things are with Him. Job 23:13-14

You know, this statement could strike fear into those who don't know God. They might even dismiss Him as a cruel, selfish dictator--doing "whatever His soul desires."

Thankfully, that is not the God I serve!!

My God is good! His mercies are new every morning! His goodness and kindness follow me all the days of my life! My God is love and He is unchangeable! Thank God for that! So all that He does and all that He is able to do is good!

When viewed from that perspective, this passage from Job brings me comfort, peace and joy, because "I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find me, when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13 (paraphrased)

With that in mind, I can rest easy in knowing that He is in control!

Resting in His arms!
Jeanne

Memorial Stones

"... In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever." (Joshua 4:6,7; NIV)

Time and time again through the Old Testament you see God showing up and man’s response is to build an altar. The purpose was so when others would came along and asked, “What’s that altar for?” Then someone could tell the story of how God worked in the lives of His people.

However, as New Testament Believers, we have detoured from this practice and Satan enjoys our forgetfulness very much.

Years ago, my husband and I asked God for specific direction for our children and their schooling. We both received the answer to our seeking and sat on the back porch and discussed it. Hallelujah! Unfortunately, it wasn’t long after that, when circumstances weren’t going as we thought they would, that we began to question what God had told us.

Thankfully, as we sat on the back porch again, we were able to remember the way He answered our prayer and extinguish the doubt.

As a result of this encounter, I realized the need to remember the lesson learned, the prayer answered, the way God moved so that in those times of doubt, I can go back to our “memorial stone” and say, “This is how God directed” and in faith move forward.

What does this look like today then? One thing we have done is to have certain scriptures around our house that serve as reminders of how God has spoken to us. You may have notes in the margin of your Bible, slips of paper tucked in at certain verses or a journal you keep. Whatever it takes, let’s be sure to mark those moments so the enemy will not gain ground in our forgetfulness and doubt.

Keeping memories in Him,

Tonya

But God...

There’s something beautiful about that phrase. All the world can be falling apart, the waters are high “but God remembered Noah...” Joseph’s life of turmoil mixed with the favor finally makes sense and he says “but God intended it for good...” David running from his father-in-law, fearing for his life, “but God did not give David into his hands.” And finally the words of our Savior, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts.”

What about the not-so-fun times? “But God was very angry when he went...” Balaam encountered God in a miraculous way in response to his disobedience. Sadly David also experienced this, “but God said to me, ‘You are not to build a house for my Name...”

It’s remarkable isn’t it? So much is wrapped up in two words. We see the reality of a situation, then through a transitional phrase, we see what God will do. How very precious. Redemption summed up in the middle of a sentence, so often overlooked because of it’s location in the story.

I’m so grateful for the but God moments in my life, even the ones where He disciplines me. I had all our lesson plans for next school year made and ready to file for the start of the year, but God showed me what is best for our children and made the necessary adjustments. We were planning a trip to New York City, but God changed our hearts and we are now to attend a life-changing marriage conference.

These moments remind me of His sovereignty. Recently, He has brought to my listening several teachings on the topic and the verse at the heart of it all was Psalm 115:3, “Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.” Not a very popular thought, yet it is true.

He’s not the grand puppeteer controlling things from the heavens. He’s given us the freedom to make choices and so many times make mistakes. However, as it is necessary to remind us and others who He is, we will experience but God.

Take a moment and allow God to remind you of the moments He has stepped in. Share with others how He in His wisdom has changed something in your life and you are now thankful for your own but God moments.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26