Obedience is hard. I won’t lie to you. Obedience is dying to your self and all that you desire to follow the One who commands your obedience. Now, there are times when it is easy...not many, but when our own desires line up with God’s desires, obedience can be easy. Yet, most often when we think of obedience, we think of those times when we are asked to do something that we really don’t want to do. That’s when obedience is hard. Remember Jonah? He ran from being obedient, and when God turned him around, he may have obeyed, but it was with quite an attitude.
I’ve been doing a pretty good imitation of Jonah over the past 7 months. God told me something that I really didn’t want to hear. While I didn’t run in the opposite direction like Jonah, I did verbally rebel in a big way.
It started last August. I awoke in the middle of the night from a deep sleep. I was immediately wide awake, and I knew. I knew that I had a word from God. I knew that this was my last year to homeschool my daughter.
I won’t lie to you. I cried like a baby and prayed that the whole idea would go away. I love homeschooling my daughter and watching her grow. So, in the middle of my pity party, I cried out to God, asking Him what in the world I was supposed to do with my daughter if I didn’t homeschool her.
I shouldn’t have done that. Again, I immediately knew.
She was going to go to a performing arts school. He even gave me the name of the school! I had heard of it, but knew next to nothing about it. So, since I couldn’t board a ship bound for Tarshish, I began to argue with God.
Just so you know, you don’t get very far when you argue with God, but I guess Jonah didn’t get very far when he ran either. I raised the idea that a fine arts school would probably not have the high academic challenge that I felt she needed. I argued that it was a public school, and I was concerned about the challenges my daughter would face to her faith. Just like Jonah, I thought I knew better than God. I thought that He must be mistaken. In His great patience, God told me to check out the school.
I did...that very night...on-line. I found a website with parent reviews of the school. The first raved about how happy they were that the teachers did not leave academics behind to focus only on the fine arts. It went on to praise their AP program. The next one was a negative review, slamming the school for being more like a conservative Christian school than the liberal fine arts school they were seeking. Really...it said that. I’m not kidding.
(Sigh) So, fine, God had worked that out. He had given me my whale, saving me from the raging sea of my petty concerns. You would think that I would give in and just follow what He was telling me to do.
You’d think...but then...did Jonah? Not really. He spent some time in the belly of that whale!
So, I didn’t give in. Next, I asked God for confirmation, telling Him (as if He didn’t already know) that my daughter was not good with change, and I would have to drag her kicking and screaming through this transition. So, if He wanted my daughter to go there, would He please give me some confirmation that this message was truly from Him before I approached her? Perhaps He could turn my daughter’s heart toward this idea, so it wouldn’t be so traumatic for her?
Needless to say, I had not one, but 2 confirmations within a week, and both came from my own daughter’s mouth. The first was her comment to me that she really enjoyed having me as a teacher, but she felt that at some point, she would like to go to a school. My heart dropped. A few days later, she mentioned to me in the car that she loved going into church service with her dad and me because she loved the worship time. However, she then confessed that sometimes she became a little distracted watching all the musicians as they were playing. She continued to say that she felt like God was leading her down a path where she would use her musical talents to one day serve Him like that. At this point, it was all I could do to keep from driving off the road. That whale had just spit me out on dry land, pointing toward that fine arts school.
I had asked for confirmation, and I got it. I was defeated, my own selfish desires were set aside, and God was glorified in that instant. I waved the white flag of surrender, and told my daughter about the school. She was so excited, that she insisted that we look the school up on the internet as soon as we got home to see what the audition process entailed. Within thirty minutes my daughter had planned out that she would audition in music and drama, and was searching for monologues.
(Sigh) So much for her not being good with change...onward toward my own personal Ninevah!
After countless hours of preparation, two auditions, and a month of waiting, my daughter was accepted into the school for performing arts. Of course she was! Hadn’t God told me all this seven months before? God was again glorified! Yet there I was, crying once again because I had been holding out a glimmer of hope that perhaps this was all just a test, and that I was still going to get to homeschool my daughter next year. I was being obedient, but with a rather rotten attitude. I felt like I had been Jonah sitting in the shade of that God-given plant, waiting for my own selfish desires to be fulfilled in spite of God’s glory shining all around me. It was not a pretty picture.
In short, our heavenly Father had different plans than I did; just as He had different plans for Ninevah than Jonah had imagined. Jonah ran away before he went to Ninevah, I verbally rebelled before I allowed Him to work this miracle in my child’s life. However, in the end, I surrendered my desires and my plan in exchange for His. Why? Well, like Jonah, I didn’t have much choice. Yet there were also truths from God’s Word that I had buried in my heart years ago.
In my heart I know that I see only in part what God sees in full (1 Cor 13:12). He alone knows the beginning from the end (Ecc 3:11), and I’m quite certain that His plan for my daughter far exceeds my own plan for her (Jer 29:11; Eph 3:20). He has opened doors for her that I would never have chosen, and despite all my protests, He has given me a peace about it that passes all understanding (Phil 4:6-7). I know that she is in His hands (Is 49:2). I know that He will hide her beneath the shadow of His wings (Ps 91:4) should trouble come as it so often does. I know that He is showering her with His favor and building her up for the destiny that He has planted in her heart (Ecc 3:11). I know that she is His favored daughter (Ps 5:12; 2 Cor 6:18). He knows her better than I do (Jer 1:5). He loves her more than I ever could (Rom 5:8; Eph 3:18-19). So I may cry for my own selfish reasons, but I rejoice at the smile on my daughter’s face and the joy in her heart that is bubbling over.
What an amazing journey this has been...to the belly of the whale and back! God has been faithful and true as He always is. All I had to do was be obedient to what he was calling me to do, and step out in faith, trusting that He would take care of the details. That makes it sound so easy. I guess it would have been if I hadn’t balked at His commands so much before obeying. But, after a rough start, I did just that...I obeyed (however grudgingly), and He did His part, so that my daughter can do hers...walk the road He has paved just for her.
She was going to go to a performing arts school. He even gave me the name of the school! I had heard of it, but knew next to nothing about it. So, since I couldn’t board a ship bound for Tarshish, I began to argue with God.
Just so you know, you don’t get very far when you argue with God, but I guess Jonah didn’t get very far when he ran either. I raised the idea that a fine arts school would probably not have the high academic challenge that I felt she needed. I argued that it was a public school, and I was concerned about the challenges my daughter would face to her faith. Just like Jonah, I thought I knew better than God. I thought that He must be mistaken. In His great patience, God told me to check out the school.
I did...that very night...on-line. I found a website with parent reviews of the school. The first raved about how happy they were that the teachers did not leave academics behind to focus only on the fine arts. It went on to praise their AP program. The next one was a negative review, slamming the school for being more like a conservative Christian school than the liberal fine arts school they were seeking. Really...it said that. I’m not kidding.
(Sigh) So, fine, God had worked that out. He had given me my whale, saving me from the raging sea of my petty concerns. You would think that I would give in and just follow what He was telling me to do.
You’d think...but then...did Jonah? Not really. He spent some time in the belly of that whale!
So, I didn’t give in. Next, I asked God for confirmation, telling Him (as if He didn’t already know) that my daughter was not good with change, and I would have to drag her kicking and screaming through this transition. So, if He wanted my daughter to go there, would He please give me some confirmation that this message was truly from Him before I approached her? Perhaps He could turn my daughter’s heart toward this idea, so it wouldn’t be so traumatic for her?
Needless to say, I had not one, but 2 confirmations within a week, and both came from my own daughter’s mouth. The first was her comment to me that she really enjoyed having me as a teacher, but she felt that at some point, she would like to go to a school. My heart dropped. A few days later, she mentioned to me in the car that she loved going into church service with her dad and me because she loved the worship time. However, she then confessed that sometimes she became a little distracted watching all the musicians as they were playing. She continued to say that she felt like God was leading her down a path where she would use her musical talents to one day serve Him like that. At this point, it was all I could do to keep from driving off the road. That whale had just spit me out on dry land, pointing toward that fine arts school.
I had asked for confirmation, and I got it. I was defeated, my own selfish desires were set aside, and God was glorified in that instant. I waved the white flag of surrender, and told my daughter about the school. She was so excited, that she insisted that we look the school up on the internet as soon as we got home to see what the audition process entailed. Within thirty minutes my daughter had planned out that she would audition in music and drama, and was searching for monologues.
(Sigh) So much for her not being good with change...onward toward my own personal Ninevah!
After countless hours of preparation, two auditions, and a month of waiting, my daughter was accepted into the school for performing arts. Of course she was! Hadn’t God told me all this seven months before? God was again glorified! Yet there I was, crying once again because I had been holding out a glimmer of hope that perhaps this was all just a test, and that I was still going to get to homeschool my daughter next year. I was being obedient, but with a rather rotten attitude. I felt like I had been Jonah sitting in the shade of that God-given plant, waiting for my own selfish desires to be fulfilled in spite of God’s glory shining all around me. It was not a pretty picture.
In short, our heavenly Father had different plans than I did; just as He had different plans for Ninevah than Jonah had imagined. Jonah ran away before he went to Ninevah, I verbally rebelled before I allowed Him to work this miracle in my child’s life. However, in the end, I surrendered my desires and my plan in exchange for His. Why? Well, like Jonah, I didn’t have much choice. Yet there were also truths from God’s Word that I had buried in my heart years ago.
In my heart I know that I see only in part what God sees in full (1 Cor 13:12). He alone knows the beginning from the end (Ecc 3:11), and I’m quite certain that His plan for my daughter far exceeds my own plan for her (Jer 29:11; Eph 3:20). He has opened doors for her that I would never have chosen, and despite all my protests, He has given me a peace about it that passes all understanding (Phil 4:6-7). I know that she is in His hands (Is 49:2). I know that He will hide her beneath the shadow of His wings (Ps 91:4) should trouble come as it so often does. I know that He is showering her with His favor and building her up for the destiny that He has planted in her heart (Ecc 3:11). I know that she is His favored daughter (Ps 5:12; 2 Cor 6:18). He knows her better than I do (Jer 1:5). He loves her more than I ever could (Rom 5:8; Eph 3:18-19). So I may cry for my own selfish reasons, but I rejoice at the smile on my daughter’s face and the joy in her heart that is bubbling over.
What an amazing journey this has been...to the belly of the whale and back! God has been faithful and true as He always is. All I had to do was be obedient to what he was calling me to do, and step out in faith, trusting that He would take care of the details. That makes it sound so easy. I guess it would have been if I hadn’t balked at His commands so much before obeying. But, after a rough start, I did just that...I obeyed (however grudgingly), and He did His part, so that my daughter can do hers...walk the road He has paved just for her.
